To Feel Happy For the Rest of My Life

Have you seen the new Paper Towns trailer? The main boy says to the main girl (sorry for not including names, this is a wee anecdote rather than a full on John Green discussion) how he feels his heart pounding in his chest and she says “that’s how you should feel your whole life”.
But I worked out how I want to feel my whole life. I want to feel free, calm and happy.

This sounds really odd and gross and way too TMI , but I’m sure I sweat more when I’m nervous/uncomfortable/unhappy. And today I’ve been rushing all day, working out in the morning, going to the shops, stuffing a soggy bagel down my throat, running across Edinburgh, running more, running more (all to make it to shows!), and I haven’t been sweaty. HOW WEIRD IS THAT? I understand that’s disgusting, but just think about it. Our bodies react oddly when we don’t feel quite right; you may get a twitchy eye, or an itchy arm. But whenever I feel properly happy, so much that I have to smile in savasana, my body and inner self feel so darn good.

It can’t happen all the time, I get that. Life isn’t always perfect and smooth, but please grab it. Grab it by the… I don’t know, grab it by the air or whatever - just GRAB IT and LOVE IT.
This is all very fridge magnet-y, but seriously, enjoy your life. Not having a good time? Change it (if possible). Move things around, whether that’s as small as moving your bed or as huge as moving your life to another country. Or just stay and be present and love it.

So there we go, preacher Esh goes off on one again. To be perfectly honest, these are more reminders for me. To remind me to love my life or change what I’m not loving. Like i said, things happen but don’t blame the things that just happen to happen on you. You’re not in control of the world, but you are control of your mind. Make THAT wonderful.

Globe Trotting Yogi: Meadow Lark Yoga Studio in Edinburgh

I love Edinburgh.
Everything from the drizzling skies, to the patchwork roads. The beautiful crepe stands to the promise of a warming chai in a cafe.

Every year, we come to Edinburgh for the festival and it is WONDERFUL, but this year I had a little something I was almost concerned with - how to keep my physical yoga practice up. Last year was the first year I was properly into fitness but luckily we stayed in a rather large flat and I managed to do kickboxing and pilates at home (my two faves), but this year I'm into fitness and stuff a whole lot more. The gym in my village is my second home and I adore it, so mum and I managed to grab a festival gym pass somewhere near where we're staying now but no yoga. I'm trying to keep doing my sun salutations in the morning and sneaking in some arm balances and balances here and there whilst exploring, but I do miss a full on class so I treated myself to a workshop at Edinburghs' infamous yoga studio, Meadow Lark.
Not gonna lie, I was ECSTATIC. I know this sounds fan girl-y and nerdy but I'd been basically stalking the studios' instagram over July just lusting over the gorgeous looking pictures and it delivered in it's gorgeous-ness. I did a 3 hour Hatha yoga workshop with Eleanor Spring, and as soon as I walked in the door I knew it was my thing.

Greeted by a smile, I plopped my Birkenstocks in the shoe holder (what is it with yogis and birkenstocks? I nearly took someone else's!) and made my way down to the Moon Studio. Promising already, huh? It gets better: the smell of incense lightly filled my lungs. In the studio, tealight candles made the room feel dream like and incredibly relaxing, whilst light decoration and that gorgeous smell of incense still made me feel energised. Fast forward lots of smiling, bakasana play and a long blanket covered savasana, and I was out. Beaming. Energised. Invigorated. I don't care how cheesy it is, I felt detoxed just by the pure happiness that covered the studio,

Plus, they have a cafe.

Yes, I ordered a large banana bread flavoured smoothie.




Yes, I guzzled it in about 30 seconds.

Reflecting

One thing I love thinking is that my past has led me to now, and now is all that matters. Obviously it isn't always easy, but focusing on the present makes me so much happier, and today I wanted to have a little chat about why your past can help you.

Looking back at my old Facebook pictures and memories brings up a heap load of emotions. I see myself smiling through forced friendships, see myself ecstatic and loving life, see myself as an awkward wannabe 10 year old. Regrets pop up all the time, of course I'm only 16 so it's not like I have a heck load of mistakes I feel I've made but I have a few, and I won't bother you and get too personal but I often argue with myself about some of the bigger decsisions I've made in my life, but you know what? That's no use. If I hadn't gone to school and stayed home educated, I wouldn't have learnt so much (not education wise, I didn't learn much in some lessons because my concentration at school was SHOCKING) about myself and others. Our past leads us to now and I really try to think positively about there being no use in regrets and wishes for change. Everything we do in life gives us more knowledge (I think I nicked that line off of '13 Going On 30'), and I know it sounds really uppity and cheesy but this is more like a message to myself. Who cares if I made myself ill and unhealthy, it's taught me now how to care
for my body - we learn, accept and grow.

Next time you're flicking through Instagram and feeling upset about who you used to be, try and learn from it. Work it and shape your life. Love who you are and love what you do.